HELP WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

HYPNOTHERAPY AND RELATIONSHIPS.

What are the main causes of relationship problems?

In my hypnotherapy practice I find most relationship problems are the result of faulty communication between two people. We bring attitudes and reactions from the past- especially from childhood relationships with parents- to our present day adult relationships. But our partner has had a different childhood, and does not understand. It is even harder for partners to understand each other when they are both angry.

What is the origin of such problems?

A word or a look may be enough to transport us back to the helpless rage we first experienced in childhood. A loving relationship can feel unfamiliar- even uncomfortable- to someone who has suffered abusive relationships in adult life. Some people guard themselves against "dangerous" emotions, such as fear and rage, so effectively that all emotion, even love, is automatically suppressed.

So how can these problems be helped by Hypnotherapy?

Hypnotherapy can help people to calm themselves, control their anger, and talk instead of shouting. Hypnotherapy can help to identify the "buttons" that, when accidentally pressed, set off the anger and resentment that sabotage relationships.

What are the limitations of hypnotherapy for relationship problems?

Neither hypnotherapy nor any other psychotherapy can help if one or both partners are determined to destroy their relationship. Nor can I help people who insist on persistently lying to me or to each other. Hypnosis, even very deep trance, does prevent people from lying. In fact, people can lie much more convincingly under hypnosis.

I am sometimes approached by people seeking help for their partners due to the partners' extreme jealousy. Unfortunately this is a very difficult problem to treat, often because the jealous partner sees nothing wrong in his or her behaviour.

What is the best way for someone to find a relationship in the first place?

In my experience, most good relationships start while people are doing something else. Rather than desperately seeking someone, it is better to enjoy the company of your ordinary friends and get involved in activities which genuinely interest you. Like attracts like- be happy and unselfish if you wish to attract a happy and considerate partner.

SELF HELP SLOT. Next time you have a "discussion" with your partner, try not to say anything beginning with the words "you are-" Any sentence beginning with the words "you are-" is often taken as an insult. Also, it tends to cause the other person to reply "no I'm not", which soon degenerates into a slanging match. If you're upset with something that your partner did, try to say "I feel such-and-such (frightened, humiliated, unhappy, etc) when you did that or said that." Since you are talking about your own feelings, you partner will have less grounds for disagreeing with you, since after all only you can know how you feel. Try to avoid talking about any problems you and your partner might have when either of you is very tired, or has been drinking alcohol. The chances are you will not come to any sensible conclusions, and will only irritate each other.